A few months ago, someone asked me,
“Do you lead with your feminine or your masculine?”
Without a second thought, I answered,
“Masculine. Always.”
And in that moment, I didn’t flinch. I said it with quiet pride.
I was the one who got things done. Who held it all together?
The planner. The organiser. The protector.
The woman with the calendar full of responsibilities and not a single line for herself.
But somewhere between the checklists and expectations, I began to feel something shift.
Or rather, something softens.
When the Hustle Isn’t Helping Anymore
I used to think I had to do it all. Not just do it, do it perfectly.
Run the home. Raise a daughter. Build a business. Heal quietly. Lead gracefully.
I operated almost entirely in my masculine energy – logical, structured, always doing.
And in many ways, it worked. It helped me survive and succeed.
But I didn’t realise it was also the very thing keeping me from feeling alive.
By the time midlife arrived, I wasn’t thriving.
I was exhausted. Disconnected.
Capable, yes. But hollowed out.
Tired of being “the strong one” but unsure how to be anything else.
The Feminine I Had Forgotten
Midlife has this way of holding up a mirror to everything that’s been quietly aching.
That mirror showed me a woman who could organise anything – except her own joy.
Who could carry everyone, but couldn’t remember the last time she was held.
Who had mastered control, but longed for softness.
So I began a new practice. A remembering.
I danced again – not to burn calories, but to feel.
I journaled – not from strategy, but from my soul.
I lit candles, made tea slowly, and wore perfume – just for me.
I let go. A little. Then a little more.
And I started to receive.
Support. Beauty. Rest. Myself.
So What Are These Energies, Really?
They are not about gender – they are archetypes within us all.
Masculine Energy (Yang)
- Doing
- Logic
- Structure
- Direction
- Action
- Protection
Feminine Energy (Yin)
- Being
- Flow
- Intuition
- Receptivity
- Creation
- Nourishment
Both are necessary. But many of us have been taught to lead only with one.
Especially as women, we’re praised for our performance, but rarely for our presence.
The Shift: How I Created Harmony (And How You Can Too)
It didn’t happen overnight. But here’s how I began to balance what once felt like opposites:
1. Start With Awareness
Begin each morning with this question:
“What energy do I need to lead with today – structure or softness?”
Let your body answer before your mind does.
2. Reconnect with Your Feminine
- Dance slowly, freely, without a mirror
- Write without purpose or polish – let your soul speak
- Pause. Breathe. Do something beautiful for no reason
- Rest without earning it
- Feel everything – especially the tender bits
3. Honour Your Masculine, Too
- Use planning and structure to protect your peace
- Take aligned action – but only after listening inward
- Create boundaries that serve your softest parts
- Celebrate the part of you that provides and protects
4. Let It Be a Dance, Not a Tug-of-War
Balance doesn’t mean 50/50. It means being in a relationship with yourself.
Some seasons will call for clarity. Others for flow.
Both are valid.
Both are wise.
Journaling Prompts for Midlife Integration
- Where in my life am I leading with force instead of flow?
- When was the last time I felt deeply connected to my feminine self?
- What do I need to feel safe enough to soften?
- What belief do I hold about productivity and worthiness?
You’re Not Broken, You’re Becoming
Midlife isn’t a breakdown. It’s an awakening.
It’s not the end of your power – it’s the beginning of your real power.
The kind that doesn’t shout or prove. The kind that knows.
You don’t have to abandon your strength to embrace your softness.
You don’t have to choose between order and ease.
You can lead and lean back.
You can guide and receive.
You can be powerful and peaceful.
You are not either/or.
You are both/and.
And that, my Love, is your superpower.
With strength and softness,
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